My Story

martes, agosto 31, 2004

Back to School

Monday was the day to return to school. The two weeks of vacation weren't enough to get over the feelings all this stuff caused me. Anyways, it's good to be back at school; I couldn't have coped with another week as boring as the one I had. However, it wasn't that great: we got homework and exam dates, which is absolutely not good. I feel kind of uneasy with the idea of seeing her again at school. I mean, I'd love to be friends with her, but something, some part of me still feels wounded and needs healing.

Anyways, today it was a better day. We didn't have Spanish class because our teacher went with another class to a visit. We had a substitute teacher, which was boring, but anything would have been better than having Spanish classes. We had afternoon classes and I came home really tired. After dinner, I logged on in my messenger, and there she was. We some sort of argument because she said that I was avoiding her, that our friendship would never be the same and that things between us had rotten. Well, somehow, she was right; I just couldn't be the same after everything that happened, and I was trying to up and give myself some time to think and organize the feelings in my head. After some time, things turned into a heated discussion about who was wrong and whether I was unfair or not. I remember some time ago trying to cheer her up because she considered herself selfish and childish. I can't deny it, but I felt a bit of selfishness in her: she still wanted me as the friend I was before, but I wanted some time to think... Was she considering my feelings at all? She told me she would start to cry. She said she didn't want to talk more about this and left me with some bitter taste in my mouth.

I had dinner without much appetite; I lost it when I discussed with her. I don't know why, but for some reason I don't know, I was pulled back to her. After my meal, I rushed with my cellphone to somewhere my sister could not hear me (yes, she always tries to overhear my stuff, so I had to hide in the bathroom) and I called her. I've never been good at making conversations with people I want flow, so this phone call was like the one you would have on a walkie-talkie: I talk, then five seconds silence, then someone talked, then silence again, then...
Well, I tried to explain, but it just didn't work. I tried to detach myself from her, but she just wouldn't let me.

I had no choice. I hate knowing people suffering because of me. I sent her an SMS telling her to go online, and on the Msn I told her I would try to make things go as similar as they did before all this... Either I'm a genius, or I am the biggest fool in the world.

jueves, agosto 26, 2004

Evolution or Mutation

As you may see, I haven't been posting as frequently as before. I apologize for that, but now I have loads of stuff to do: I have an approaching Sprachdiplom, I have a computer to build, some emails and photos to send...

Yesterday was sort of a funny day. We kept talking stupid stuff in German classes, and Alfredo and I had to do a "Strafarbeit" (a punishment-work). Alfredo invented a new gramatic rule called "the rule of the Castle" (a paralelism to "the rule of the Comb") and kept claiming it existed. I asked if some funny children song evolved or mutated (she began with the topic at the beginning of the class). I can't deny it was funny, but I had to write some boring text, which she didn't even remember of today!

Well, today I'm just posting to tell everyone I'm starting a new chapter of this Blog. And therefore, I need to put a name to this chapter of it. See it all on my next post!

lunes, agosto 23, 2004

It's a New Day

Today I woke up with the sun shining in my face. I feel like new; everything will be different now that I have something less to worry about.

Everything happened like a normal day, I went to that German course and then spent the rest of the afternoon doing other stuff like writing emails or studying. I felt a bit awkward when I had to see Alfredo again at the German course; some part of me was about to yell at him and another part of me felt like wanting peace. Right now I just had a conversation with her again. We were like discussing if I overreacted or if it was her fault because of not having told me anything before. I wished her good luck and accepted defeat with honor. I tried to force the conversation into another topic but it didn't really worked. She insist she still wants me as a friend, and that's she still cares for me (as a friend) a lot. She doesn't want things to change, but that's something out of our hands. I mean, it's absolutely human: people tend to reject whatever has harmed them. If you eat some bad guacamole and can't stop shitting, I don't think you would enjoy guacamole as much as you did before. It's the same with this stuff: you hurted me, I won't really enjoy being friends with you again, at least for some time. I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for that; only time will tell if things will go back to what they were before all this stuff.

One thing I learned, was never to bet more than what I could afford to loose, and I can afford a lot!

Anyways, I recover fast from whatever that happens to me, so getting over this, won't be harder than trying to tie my shoelaces without looking at them. By the end of the day most things will get back to "normal".

domingo, agosto 22, 2004

Bad News, very Bad ones... *Broken Hearted*

Poor, poor me!
There are days when things go alright; the sun shines, the birds fly... even the stars seem closer for you to reach them. But other days, stormy clouds fill the sky letting heavy drops of rain fall over you, washing all feelings of hope and happiness away, your goals seem so far away that they become impossible to reach.

Today it was one of the second type. I woke up with sun shining over my head and had some kind of strange feeling inside of me... as if I knew something was about to happen. So I went on with my day, not knowing how dreadful it would become. Everything went apparently fine, except for the fact that my father's car was under maintenance and I wouldn't be able to go to the "school festival" (a.k.a. Kermesse) of another school. I took it easy and let everything happen as it should have: we bought some stuff at the supermarket and went back home.

I spent part of the afternoon in front of my computer downloading stuff and chatting, my computer froze twice, and then she went online. I thought it would just be another normal conversation, but instead I got bad news (for me). I saw this coming, I knew this would happen, but what could I do?: She and Alfredo got "tied up".

I'm glad it was her who told me, otherwise, I wouldn't have believed it. The news really shocked me. I still can't assimilate it: a part of me refuses to believe what I just read, and another part tells me to move on and get over it. I don't know what to think, what to do or what to say. I don't know whether to cry or to laugh, to forget or strike back. Everything happened too fast.

Bueno, a veces se gana y a veces se pierde. De todos modos, ya era hora para que la nube rosada sobre la que estaba se rompiese... ahora estoy cayendo en un vacio tan profundo, esperando en algun momento poderme aferrar a algun otro sueño que me de esperanzas y razones para creer en esa tonta cosa que tanto anhelamos todos...

So I'm Broken Hearted again. The story ends this way: the princess leaves with the prince, the ogre is sent back to the cold mountains and they all, except for the ogre, live happily ever after. The ogre's heart slowly freezes, leaving place for the dark soul that once inhabited it to take over again. The feelings of not wanting to be in love again return him. Silently, while a round teardrop rolls down his face to become a pearl of ice on his chin, he puts all those wonderful feelings he once had in a small wooden chest, and places it near his heart, so that he can retrieve them when he falls for someone again...
There's no need to explain who plays each character.

What more could I ask for? At least she will be happy...
As many people told me, there are many fish in the sea, and suffering for something that never was, it's not worth spilling my heart for.

Anyways, tomorrow it's a different day.

jueves, agosto 19, 2004

I'm happy!

Today it has been a happy day. I don't know what makes it so happy: everything went on as if it were any other day, but somehow I'm feeling really happy!

Right now I'm having a conversation with Tania. This is going to be a short one, as I have to get ready to go out (yes, again with those relatives of mine). It's great to be friends with her, she has lots of stuff to tell and she's lovely as well. This will be a short post too, I'm leaving for dinner.

miércoles, agosto 18, 2004

Piscinazo!

Wednesday... even out of school it's still an excellent day!
Today, after going to German class, I had a "Piscinazo!" (some kind of Pool Party) at a friends house. German class wasn't that bad, as our teacher was ill and we got a substitute teacher. Our class wasn't that boring and right after that, I went walking with two friends of mine to the Piscinazo. On the way we got a few slices of pizza to eat. When we arrived, we were almost the first ones there: some other friends of Pablo (the host) were there including Tania.

The Piscinazo began cold, and it didn't really warm up. By the time I left, less than the half of the people that went there had gotten into the pool, and the other was absolutely dry.

Anyway, that's not the main point of my post.

It's incredible how me and Tania can be really good friends on the Messenger, but when we are only a few meters away, it's like we have never seen each other; and I blame myself for not being able to start a conversation with her in spite of being just steps away from her. I'm like too dumb or too shy to go and talk to her. I wish I could have a long, non depressing and interesting conversation with anyone I wanted to whenever I wanted to.

I left the party around 17:45 and went back home. Some relatives I didn't even know of were visiting us and will stay until Saturday. I got a shower and got ready to go out for dinner. There is not much interesting to write about the visit so I'll just omit that part.

Now I'm back home, it's midnight and I'm still writing this post. Tania wrote an SMS saying she wouldn't be able to be online, so I think I'll just go to bed and sleep.

To Everyone: I will now occasionally post in Spanish when I'm in the mood to.

martes, agosto 17, 2004

Exploring the Dark Side of the Force

Today it was just another common day... got up, went to classes, came back, had lunch, etc.

I'm having right now a conversation with Tania. We are talking about bad stuff we have done.
I haven't got much to tell; as most of the people that know me already know, I have mostly belonged to the Light side of The Force. I've never been (well, almost never) the Bad guy of the movie, but I have also had my dark times. I don't usually do the bad stuff, but I give the technology so that it can be done (Muahaha) and I come clean out of whatever ever happens.

I also got to know more about her. She told me about things that make her sad, and I listened to her. Sometimes people just need to be listened at so that they have someone that knows what their problems are (that's also one of the intentions of my blog's). I learned a lot about her and I guess she also picked up the most useful stuff of all I typed.

After quite a long talk, we said good bye and went to bed. Although the topics were sad ones, I'm feeling good because I talked to her (back to the pink clouds... poor me!)

lunes, agosto 16, 2004

A New Hope!

So I just had a new conversation with her; you know what I feel? that there are still hopes!
This will mean to keep fighting for some more time; well, I don't care anymore, because I'm getting used to it, and I'm loving it.

After tonight's conversation, I see some light at the end of the tunnel, which gives me some energies to go on. This can be a signal; I won't loose anything by trying one more time!

So, let's reset the Game and Play Again...

HERE I GO AGAIN!

Monday... Argh!!

Today I woke up with no sun shining in my face. It was a cloudy and grey day. I hurried downstairs because I had to make some phone calls, so that I could take part of a preparation course for the approaching Sprachdiplom. After a few phone calls, two 2 dollar taxi rides and a boring wait, I was finally appointed for this course. Without even having time to have decent lunch, I had to hurry again so that I wouldn't miss this class, which after all, wasn't really interesting. However, I had to pay attention, as there's a whole bunch of this German stuff I don't know.

Now, after my power-nap, I'm back in my computer, which is so old it froze twice before I was able to connect to the internet and start writing this post.

Today is my first day back from the pink clouds. It doesn't seem to be that bad to not-be-in-love, except for Tania writing at me saying I was some kind of liar and that I never told her anything, which is obviously wrong: she knows more of me than any other person you can think of. I still care for her, I still see her as a friend, but the glow in my eyes when I think of her will have to vanish.

I hope that when she reads this post, she doesn't get angry at me. All I have to say is "I'm sorry". I'm sorry for being such a fool, I'm sorry for failing you, I'm sorry for not being able to help you when you were sad, I'm sorry for believing, I'm sorry for falling... But I believe it's over now.

The Gig is up!

This is an angry post. I'm tired of all this nonsense. I'm sick of fighting for nothing. I give up, I throw the towel. No more day dreaming, no more! This being-in-love-but-still-alone thing Sucks!

I finally open my eyes and see the truth about this silly thing I've been living during the last few months. It really hurts me to have to leave this, but this is the best for me. If I let this feeling leave deeper roots in me, it will be more painful, so better pull it out before it's impossible.

Someone once told me to forget this if it doesn't work, but I hoped something special to happen. But I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk. Now that I see no cards left to play, I quit. I see no reason to continue with this, so why do so?

Anyways, as a friend of mine told me, there are many fish in the sea, to what I must add that the fisherman is young, the bait is good, and the weather is perfect, so why worrying?

"Yeah, there's a hole in my soul, but one thing I've learned: for every love letter written, there's another one burnt." Aerosmith

I will always remember that the best swords are forged in the heat, strike by strike, hit by hit.
I will always remember you as long as you remember me.

Will this be the End of something that hasn't even began?
GAME OVER!

domingo, agosto 15, 2004

Sunday

Today my mom decided to do some kind of spring cleaning... we've been turning the house upside down the whole morning trying to add order to all the stuff that has been laying around. It isn't that bad; after all, we are supposed to feel more comfortable in a clean and tidy place.

I want to tell you about what happened yesterday, as I wasn't able to post anything last night. Well, I made a deal with my father and agreed to help him at the store on Saturday mornings; in exchange, I would get a better cell phone plan with more minutes and messages. I think this one has been the best deal I've done up to now: there isn't much to do at my dad's workplace and I need the messages more than I've ever done before. In the afternoon, after a quick nap, I logged on my Messenger and found her online. We talked about many different things, including her having a headache and feeling dizzy. She told me she hasn't been feeling ok for some time now, and that she often had headaches. I began to worry immediately, as I know many extremely bad things begin with just a headache, and she has often had headaches. So I asked if she had already seen the doctor. She said she already had, and that she has refused to do those examinations she was told to do. In the following 10 minutes, I tried to convince her to do these examinations to see what exactly her problem was, but it was no use, as she wouldn't listen. She made me promise not to tell anyone about her problem, since she didn't want anyone to worry about this (and probably see her like some kind of weirdo). I'm not breaking any promise when I write this blog... I promised not to tell anyone, but I didn't say anything about writing it! I really care about her and I would never let anything bad happen to her, but I can't obligate her to do something, so talking to her and hoping she does those exams is all I can do.

Later that day, I went to buy the pair of Converse I've been wanting since my birthday and then went back home for dinner. My sister also got a pink pair of shoes. As it always happens, she is regretting now having bought them, but there's nothing to worry about; she'll be ok with them in a few days.

Evening was a bit more interesting. Tania wrote some SMS to me from her father's cell phone. She was at a meeting of some friend I didn't know, and she was a bit sad. I asked her why, and she said she was so lonely. Trying to find out what exactly the problem was, was useless, as she didn't even know what exactly her problem was. Whatever it is, knowing she feels down makes me feel down too. I think I found out she is some kind of depressive person, but it doesn't matter; sometimes I also feel lonely for no apparent reason. So after a brief 2 minute phone call, in which only pointless stuff was said, we both decided to hang up and do something different. She told me to call in 5 minutes, but instead, I wrote her a SMS telling her that there's a whole bunch of people who love her and care for her, no matter how different it seems to be, that she would always have my support, and that she's loved. Then I finished watching A Knight's Tale and went to bed.

That's how Saturday has been. Now I'm waiting for my parents to finish with their cleaning so that we can go out and do something interesting in what's left of the day.

viernes, agosto 13, 2004

Right now had a conversation with Tania

Two posts in the same day, not bad huh?

I just chatted with Tania. It was nothing special, but I feel the need of posting this in my blog. She still wanted to know why I could be a bit jealous of whatever happened yesterday, so after a whole bunch of nonsense I wrote as an explanation, I told her it would be too complicated to explain and that I was writing it all down here in my blog. She seemed really interested and wanted to read this. I told her to wait a bit more, and then I would let her read this. So, I had to promise I would let her read someday after our Sprachdiplom exams. Do you think I will keep that promise? (NO! Muahahahaha) Just kidding, I almost always keep my promises...

I'm confused: she seems interested in me, but she sometimes shows herself not interested... if she just knew now how I feel about her! Well, I expect to get over this thing soon, as insecurity and doubt is slowly killing me inside and I will have a lot of time for things like love in the future.

I know that someday you (Tania) will be reading these lines, and I just want you to know that I really really liked you, that I will be your friend as long as you are mine and that I'll never forget the blue-eyed girl who used to be on someone else's msn account ;-)

It's Vacation Time!

Friday, the last day of the "week". Yesterday I couldn't post because I was busy. Right after school, I went to a friend's house, where we met with some other friends and went to the movies. We watched "King Arthur" (Keira Knightley is HOT!) and had a lot of fun playing video games. I liked the movie. It told another version of the King Arthur story, in which Arthur is part roman and fights for the empire. Merlin the wizard isn't the classical old, long-bearded man with a pointed hat, but an old scruffy tattooed man who, in my opinion, isn't that magically powerful. I really enjoyed the fight scenes and I found some of the strategies used by Arthur interesting.

At night, I logged on my messenger to check some emails and there was she again. We had a short conversation about what we had done that day, and guess what: she actually went out with Alfredo (and some other friends). I don't know what she might want to tell me, but she asked me if I was jealous and told me he bought the tickets, but whatever she meant, it came like a cold slap in the face. I answered "Yes and No". I didn't really want to talk about that; I mean, wouldn't it be obvious that If someone fancies another someone, then the first someone wouldn't feel really good with the idea of that someone he fancies hanging out with a third person. Anyways, that conversation didn't last long, we went on to another topic and I was eventually too sleepy to continue, so I said "bye bye" and went to bed. I haven't got much hopes in this to work anyways, so why not let her be happy with whoever she wants to be happy with? Myself, I'm placing the hopes I took from this in something/someone else... ;-)

Today I woke up and I had my second dream about my lost notebook, aint that funny? First I dreamed of it hidden in the ceiling panels of my classroom (I went to check and too bad it wasn't there :S), and yesterday I dreamed of it being back in my locker! No matter when I find it, I'm sure someday it will reappear; but I can't just sit there and wait for that day to come, so I will start with a new one. But that will have to wait, 'cause...

...It's Vacation Time!

miércoles, agosto 11, 2004

Career Advice (Sounds like a Harry Potter chapter, doesn't it ;-) )

What could make Wednesdays better than they already are? No classes, of course! Today we played soccer both of the Sport hours. Then we had 15 minutes of Biology class, because then came the psychologist to give us some kind of Career Advice. We spent the rest of our school day filling tests and questionnaires. At the beginning they were fun, but then it became so tedious!!! Well, we didn't have any classes (I missed Computers class, which was the only thing I didn't like).

Anyways, tomorrow is the last day of this term, so we will be having two weeks vacation! But... we won't be able to enjoy them, as we will be studying so hard for the Sprachdiplom our eyes will bleed! Well, who knows if it's really that hard, or if they are just exaggerating when they say this exam is that hard. We will find out soon...

martes, agosto 10, 2004

A crappy day

What a crap of day was today! Everything seemed to be fine, until 12:45.
As predicted, our Literature (Spanish) came up with a very childish reaction: he just shut the door, didn't let the ones who where late in, and make us do a Test (Lesson). The questions weren't hard, but the problem was that we didn't expect him to take revenge in that way, so we weren't prepared!

When I thought that things couldn't go any worse, I found out that someone took my "Comercio" notebook. We were supposed to finish a work today, but as this dumbass thinks it is funny to take my things, I couldn't. Well, at least I've got until tomorrow to find it, which is mostly improbable. Tomorrow I will request the whole class to give me back my notebook and hope this works. If I have to find out by myself, when I do so, I will yell the shit out of the asshole who had the consideration to hide it when I most needed it. Yes, I'm an angry boy.

Another thing that makes me angry is that I was woken up from my power nap. Since then, I've been yelling at everyone who has disturbed me.

Now, back to her, I've decided to give up slowly. I mean, day by day this fight seems more and more senseless, pointless and useless. Some things seem not to be meant to work.... maybe this is one of them, and I have my reasons to believe this. However, I can't deny I have learned a lot from this, up to now, senseless chase. I have lost some of my fear to express my feelings and I have improved in trying to get a conversation to keep going. But the most important I've learned (once more) and will probably forget in a few weeks, is that love is not always as happy as shown in the movies.

lunes, agosto 09, 2004

Don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know what to feel

So, today the day started everything went normally as if it were any other school day... until I decided to get up and go to school.

Today it hasn't been a very pleasant day. As I got to school I just heard more rumors about Alfredo and Tania having hung out during that party the whole time and having "tied themselves up" (that's how we say: "they became gf and bf"). Well, Alfredo, who by the way isn't a very good friend of mine, denied all these (He has been telling everyone he likes this other girl Ma. Cristina... but not Lizarzaburu). I don't know what Tania has to say about this since I haven't talked to her today. I'm seriously considering giving up all this stuff, at least, for this time. I see no light at the end of the tunnel, I see no calm after the storm, I see no reason to keep going on with this thing. Maybe we could just be friends; that would be fine, but anyways, it would never be the same.

Maybe I envy this guy: he's the typical kind of fine looking, charming and all that faery taleish stuff, and I'm just... I don't even know what I am like! Maybe the typical weirdo with a lot of brains and quite some bad luck. It's like every time I begin feeling something for someone, he has to get in the story and mess the plot and everything else. I could write something about my last crush, but that would make this post too long... Or maybe I'm imagining all this stuff and he is just trying to help, but in the wrong ways (which is mostly improbable).

Maybe Tania doesn't want me or will never do so, or she might want me a lot but, just like me, can't express herself.

I don't know what to say, don't know what to do and don't know what to feel about all this stuff. Maybe I should just forget all this, go back inside my shell and wait for something to happen (which I don't want to do).

Now, changing topics, today we also apparently got into deep trouble. In Literature class we have been studying about an author called Federico Garcia Lorca, who was executed because of being homosexual. So, in the hour after Literature, which is History, we were talking about whether being gay is good or bad and we took examples out of this authors life. Our History teacher heard all this stuff and told our Literature teacher about this. I'm not sure what she told him, but whatever it was, it made him really angry. Students from other classes told us that he was yelling stuff like: "These students are stupid, they have shit instead of brains in their heads" or something similar. What scares me the most is that we are having a kind of exam on Thursday, and this man will most probably make us do this exam tomorrow with the hardest questions he can think of!

That's how my day has been: hurting, sad, happy, scary and tireding.

domingo, agosto 08, 2004

What's best: Getting Over or Keeping Trying?

Today it has been a great day, I watched Shrek 2 and had a lot of fun. Yesterday I watched "50 first dates" (another movie by Adam Sandler) and laughed a lot, which is cool because I need to release my stress. I love this kind of comedies, but sometimes they make me feel sad, because of what I'm going trough.

I just had a little chat online with her. I don't know what it could mean, but she said: "haha, you know, a friend of mine just wrote he was jealous from seeing me with Alfredo that whole time in yesterdays party". I said to myself, I would also be jealous if I had seen that happened, but thanks for telling me anyways, but I wrote: "haha" I don't know if that was foolish or wise; what else could I have said?

I could chicken away and leave everything as it is now, or keep trying, suffering and hoping to eventually win her heart, which is not for sure anyways...
I wish someone could tell me what to do.

viernes, agosto 06, 2004

Failure...

I can't believe how stupid I am. I was so dumb... I tried to talk to her today, but I couldn't even get close. I can't think of no way of approaching her. At some point, I was standing next to her, but just that... standing.

I feel that whatever once was between us is dying out. Today she would just look through me, as if I were a piece of glass! I don't know what to do, I don't know what to feel.

I think it's all fault... I've been so stupid: I believed with all my heart this would work, I failed in talking to her, I missed a lot of opportunities to get closer.

But for some reason, there is still something inside me that keeps telling me to hold on, to not let go, to fight for whatever I want. And for some reason, I listen to that something and keep trying, although she seems to be farther away day after day...

jueves, agosto 05, 2004

Conversation with sednA

So I just had a conversation with a friend of mine (Isabella). To summarize what she said to me after reading my blog, I'll say that she told me I should keep on trying, and said (wrote) that as long as I like and want her, whatever happens will be worth. She said that these things might happen, and she gave me some useful advice, like trying to talk to her more and similar stuff. She said that these things are not gotten easily and that I have to be persistent.

You know what? I believe she's right. Maybe I should show more interest, or I should try talking more... Anyways, I'll do my best and try!

Another day, and the same dilemma

Thursday... The day before Friday and probably the best one of this week up to now. Today I received the last of the marks I needed to calculate the grade I got for this term, and guess what... I got a 19,77 (out of 20 points), which is more than great!!!! But there is still something that isn't ok...

I was asked once more by my pals who were my "vein-cutting" MSN screen names were dedicated to, and once more I reply "no one". I guess it's more than hard to try to separate your mind from your heart and drown your feelings. My head keeps telling me how stupid it is to fall in love and how pointless all these attempts seem to be, but my heart tells me how wonderful it can be to have someone to hug, to make her feel great, to feel happy around her, to tell her your problems, to understand... to love, and it's 'cause of that, that I keep struggling to make things work. But somehow, the only thing I seem to see is things cooling down.

Right now, she's online. I don't know if to write her or not. It's the same situation: "Forget!" "No! Keep trying!" "But it's all useless..."... maybe I'm the one who is useless...

miércoles, agosto 04, 2004

To Forget or not to Forget...

Today it's wednesday, the best day of the school week, at least for me. We had 2 sport hours and computers, besides, we didn't have maths, spanish nor english. And if that wasn't enough, we skipped the last two hours (german, and history) because of a teacher meeting. Isn't that great?

Today I din't see her. I guess she didn't come to school today, because even though I looked for her, I couldn't find her. I'm in a dilemma now, 'cause I don't know wether to call or write her or not. I want to forget all this stuff, and be a "not-in-love" boy again, but as a very good friend of mine ( Martha ;) ) said, these things are not that easy to forget... specially when you are attending 10th grade.

I don't know why, but suddenly the lyrics of the song Creep by Radiohead have come to my mind...

"You're so fucking special, I wish I was special. But I'm a creep, I'm a
weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here..."

The last I've got to say is, as seen on TV: That's all folks! (only for today!)

martes, agosto 03, 2004

Not a very nice day

Today it hasn't been a very nice day... I had to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning because I had stomach-ache and I threw up and hat kinda diarrhea. It wasn't nice at all. I could have stayed at home and watch the day pass, but instead I decided to go to school (stupid me!). So, I spent my day at school feeling tired and weak. I also had fever (a temperature), and was a bit dizzy. However, I managed to stay awake during all classes, and even had a bit energy to go and bother some friends (haha).

When I got home (at 17:30) I went straight to bed, and woke up at 8 pm. I wasn't in the mood to check emails or do anything else so I watched "Anger Management". I really liked that movie; I wish I also had the guts to go and tell everyone I like her, but I'm just too stupid or too naive to believe this things work... Well, we'll see if it does.

lunes, agosto 02, 2004

Te Odio...

T' odio x tomart mi vida
T' odio x bloquear mi mente
X impedirme pensar
Como el resto d' la gente

Repudio tu presencia
Odio tu existencia
Si pudiera t eliminaría
X q' mejor s' tu ausencia


Detesto que me odies
Detesto ser x ti ignorado
Odio estar de ti
Perdídamente enamorado

Just in case, this poem isn't dedicated to her; I just found it among my papers and decided to post it.

domingo, agosto 01, 2004

MSN screen names from this week

These are the MSN Messenger screen names I've used this week:

< Kenneth htenneK > Te quiero, pero no quiero quererte, porque no se si me quieras o me quieras querer y no quiero perderte (u)

< Kenneth htenneK > U think love exists?... think again!

< Kenneth htenneK > I don't want to fall in love again... (u) I was so stupid believing it would work, but it only broke me

< Kenneth htenneK > It could be so nice growing old with you


< Kenneth htenneK >

No pain, no pain...

Today's been a nice day... I slept until 11 o'clock in the morning, had something to eat and went out to get some CD's. Being "not in love" isn't as hard as I thought; keeping my mind away from the problem wouldn't have been so easy if I hadn't got a sister that keeps taking my things and bothering me all day...

Anyways, who needs to be in love? I mean, love just drains your brain from any other kind of sensitive and logical feeling or thought, leaving you helpless against the world. Avoiding love is avoiding pain and we all know the saying "No Pain, No Pain". But somehow, it becomes addictive; there are feelings that aren't that easy to forget, nor that easy to avoid. There will always be things that make you remember, that make you believe and that make you hope.

Now, after this confusing day, I wonder if it is really "No pain, No pain"...