My Story

lunes, agosto 09, 2004

Don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know what to feel

So, today the day started everything went normally as if it were any other school day... until I decided to get up and go to school.

Today it hasn't been a very pleasant day. As I got to school I just heard more rumors about Alfredo and Tania having hung out during that party the whole time and having "tied themselves up" (that's how we say: "they became gf and bf"). Well, Alfredo, who by the way isn't a very good friend of mine, denied all these (He has been telling everyone he likes this other girl Ma. Cristina... but not Lizarzaburu). I don't know what Tania has to say about this since I haven't talked to her today. I'm seriously considering giving up all this stuff, at least, for this time. I see no light at the end of the tunnel, I see no calm after the storm, I see no reason to keep going on with this thing. Maybe we could just be friends; that would be fine, but anyways, it would never be the same.

Maybe I envy this guy: he's the typical kind of fine looking, charming and all that faery taleish stuff, and I'm just... I don't even know what I am like! Maybe the typical weirdo with a lot of brains and quite some bad luck. It's like every time I begin feeling something for someone, he has to get in the story and mess the plot and everything else. I could write something about my last crush, but that would make this post too long... Or maybe I'm imagining all this stuff and he is just trying to help, but in the wrong ways (which is mostly improbable).

Maybe Tania doesn't want me or will never do so, or she might want me a lot but, just like me, can't express herself.

I don't know what to say, don't know what to do and don't know what to feel about all this stuff. Maybe I should just forget all this, go back inside my shell and wait for something to happen (which I don't want to do).

Now, changing topics, today we also apparently got into deep trouble. In Literature class we have been studying about an author called Federico Garcia Lorca, who was executed because of being homosexual. So, in the hour after Literature, which is History, we were talking about whether being gay is good or bad and we took examples out of this authors life. Our History teacher heard all this stuff and told our Literature teacher about this. I'm not sure what she told him, but whatever it was, it made him really angry. Students from other classes told us that he was yelling stuff like: "These students are stupid, they have shit instead of brains in their heads" or something similar. What scares me the most is that we are having a kind of exam on Thursday, and this man will most probably make us do this exam tomorrow with the hardest questions he can think of!

That's how my day has been: hurting, sad, happy, scary and tireding.